Ages ago (like, 2014,) I owned a poetry website called Randoetry.co.uk, which was a portmanteau of Random and Poetry. I don’t think I’m particularly good at poetry, but I like making words rhyme and many of the turns my life has taken have been quite random. (By way of example of the random nature of my life, one night I found myself in the Cantina Bar from Star Wars with Lou Ferrigno, Ray Parker Jr and the kids from Stranger Things. There is no punchline to this, it is entirely true.) Randoetry.co.uk doesn’t exist any more, but there is a backup of it on Wayback – Check it out by clicking here.
Below are a few of the poems I’m actually quite proud of, with small explanations of why I like each of them. Don’t worry, there are only a few to get through. Lets get cracking.
Poem 1 – Starbucks Haiku.
Weeing in Starbucks,
Always leaves me feeling so
Decaffeinated
Firstly, in case you don’t know what a Haiku is, it is a three line poem in which the first and third lines have five syllables, and the middle like has seven syllables. Traditional haiku also don’t rhyme.
I was really proud of this haiku. I started as a normal rhyming couplet poem with the same punchline, but I managed to compress it into the correct number of syllables while somehow managing to maintain the succinctness.
Decaffeinated could refer to a type of coffee, or it could, as in this case, refer discretely to releasing or expelling caffeine, and I do like wordplay.
Poem 2 – Cat Haiku.
Stood out in the cold
Calling my cat to come home
Forgot he was dead
Another haiku on the 5-7-5 syllables layout, but this one is based on a true story. Someone I knew realised their cat hadn’t come back one winter evening. They stood outside calling it’s name hoping to get it to come back in for the night where it would be warm, but after a couple of minutes of calling and having no luck luring their cat back in they remembered it had actually passed away quite recently. I know, this changes the poem from a funny one to a slightly disturbing one. But isn’t that what poetry is meant to do, make you think?
Poem 3 – Clyde Limerick
There once was a man called Clyde,
When somebody hurt his pride,
He wept out tears,
For years and years,
‘Til he dehydrated and died.
This poem is over 40 years old. I wrote this at my best friends house when we were both at primary school. As typical 10 year olds we were fascinated with writing poems about death. This one is one of my absolute favourites though. Unlike the poem above, this one isn’t based on someone actually dying.
Poem 4 – Ballerina Limerick
I think the next poem needs a little pre-explanation to set the scene. Imagine there are two ballerinas, Ballerina One and Ballerina Two. There is also a Dressmaker who is making tu-tus (ballerina dresses) for both ballerinas. The Dressmaker is concerned that both dresses need to be sent out urgently, so they check with their assistant whether either have been sent, and add a reminder to not forget to send the second dress to the second ballerina…
Dressmaker to Assistant, “Have you
Sent Ballerina One her Tu-Tu?”
If it hasn’t been sent yet,
Then please don’t forget
To send a tu-tu to Two too.
I love wordplay, so using every variant of the sound “to” in the last line really pleased me:
To (something that needs to be done)
send a tu-tu (a ballerinas dress)
to (for)
Two (the second ballerina)
too (also).
If anyone wants to nominate me for a prize in literature, you’re very welcome to.
