Remember years ago when toilet rolls were just loose rolls of paper? You opened the pack and the loose end would be hanging off, trailing behind as you carried it across to the toilet roll holder?
If you’re old, like me, then you too probably remember the days before they stuck the end down with glue.
I recently noticed something on the multipack of Andrex toilet rolls that annoyed me.
From: Craig A
To: Kimberley-Clark (the Andrex bit)
Subject: Easy Start Toilet Rolls
Hi Andrex People.
I recently purchased a multipack of your lovely toilet rolls and noticed that the packaging now features the words, “Easy Start Roll Technology.”
Now, I remember years ago when toilet rolls were just loose rolls of toilet paper wrapped around a tube. You got them out of the multipack and, if you happen to drop one, when it rolled away it unspooled itself. Thanks to your comparatively recent addition of glue to the end, the unspooling mishaps became a thing of the past.
Back then, the first time I removed a new roll and noticed that rolls now came with glue, and that unspooled rolls were now something people no longer needed to worry about, I was amazed. I examined a roll with childlike fascination. I slowly lifted my loo roll aloft and stood there, in a triumphant stance, in my bathroom, thinking, “THIS is… the future!” As well as thinking it, I may have accidentally said it out loud too, I don’t remember. Then I lowered it and slipped it onto the loo roll holder.
When you first added glue to your toilet rolls, it did stop them unravelling very successfully, however you had to pluck sections until you managed to get it to unravel correctly.
But that must have been over a decade ago.
Cut back to today, and I’m currently looking at a multi-pack with the words “Easy Start Roll Technology” on it. And I’m annoyed about it because nowadays, using a new roll from your new pack, it seems far easier to get the roll going.
The reason I am angry it this; “Easy Start Roll Technology” seems to actually translate as “We’ve put a bit less glue on than before”
Does applying less glue REALLY class as a “feature”? Is that really your new selling point, applying a bit less glue?
In effect are you admitting that you may have used a bit of overkill when you originally opted for full-on glue? Was the glue you applied back then just that little too powerful, and you’re only admitting you were wrong well over a decade later? You are responsible, after all, for millions of people plucking at and destroying their first few sheets of every single roll of toilet paper that they tried to open for the last decade…
In case you are, I’ve prepared a paragraph of text that you might want to include on all future packaging. Just put an asterisk by the side of the Easy Start text, and another smaller asterisk on the back of the pack with this text by the side of it:
“Sorry about the last 10 years. The glue we chose back then, and used for the 10 subsequent years, was far too efficient. We hope this less tacky glue provides a suitable compromise. Please note this is not a “feature” as such, more an admission of wrongdoing on our part. Happy wiping!”
If you could give me a bell or email me when this is implemented, that would be great.