Email from a PR company

I’m constantly getting emails from PR companies wanting me to promote their 80s-related products on 80sNostalgia.com. This particular one went a bit awkward.


From: Barry PR
To: Craig @ 80sNostalgia
Subject:80s DVD release

Hi CK!

I’m the publicist for a publishing company in West London, and one of our recently released DVDs would be a brilliant fit for 80sNostalgia.com – I’d love to offer a copy for competition or review on the website.

It’s called ############. I’ve attached a press release in this email, if you’d like to see a copy please do just let me know, or put me in touch with the best person to ask.

Many thanks!
Barry
Publicity and Marketing Executive


From: Craig @ 80sNostalgia
To: Barry PR
Subject: Re: 80s DVD release

Hi Barry,

Thanks for getting in touch.

That is a superb idea for a DVD, and certainly one I’d be more than happy to promote.

If you like I can run a competition to help promote it, maybe give a copy away, (or as many copies as you’re willing to offer?), but I would certainly like one to review myself, and thank you for the offer!

I can promote it via my site, via Twitter and via Facebook as separates or as one huge competition, whichever you are happiest with.

My postal address is:

##############
###########
########
#####

Just followed you on Twitter too. Looking forward to having a read!

Absolutely any questions, please let me know.

Craig.


Then, something odd happened. Maybe I’d been a bit too forward because shortly afterwards, I received this…

From: Barry PR
To: Craig @ 80sNostalgia
Subject:80s DVD release

Uber cheeky. I’m blushing. Doesn’t happen often!

How would that work anyway? Am I supposed to twirl around in front of you while you critique my muscle tone?! Not at all embarrassing then!

Trumpet all you want babe, even I know that’s pretty impressive. You are TINY. Plus, considering muscle weighs more, you’re even smaller than that!

Oh nightmare – you’ll be working as late as me then :( much harder than I’ll be I’d imagine. I’ll have a wine for you. I’ll be working at the pub the next few Saturdays at least thanks to the rugby, but have no plans for Sunday or my surprise Monday off yet, although roast and (hopefully) a pub with an open fire will be involved! What do you have planned?

HA! I totally sympathise darl, can’t bear it. Maybe just tell her that if she can chat that much she’s not working hard enough!

I feel for your legs-be kind to them! xx

Barry.


Whats all that about? I just want a DVD! Besides, I’m ALWAYS kind to my legs.

I had a think about it. I came to the conclusion that this email was not actually intended for me, but for someone that Barry knows in real life. Acknowledging it, or replying to it, would probably cause embarrassment as it had obviously been sent to the wrong person.

So I decided to reply.


From: Craig @ 80sNostalgia
To: Barry PR
Subject:re: re: 80s DVD release

Hey Barry,

Firstly, thanks for your concern about my legs. I appreciate your advice.

I just want a DVD. really. If twirling around in front of me is part of the deal, feel free. As for critiquing your muscle tone, I’m not sure I’d be up for that.

Craig.


From: Barry PR
To: Craig @ 80sNostalgia
Subject:re: re: re: 80s DVD release

Hi Craig

Hope you had a great weekend – I think we have a gremlin in the email system as I seem to be receiving emails meant for other people and forwarding them on inadvertently. I’ve just noticed that in my sent items to you is an email that I received from an unknown email address – theres no link so it cant be spam, but do be careful anyway! Obviously just some kind of glitch.

If you receive anything else from me thats either confusing or seems a little odd(!) please do let me know.

Very best
Barry.


Yes, Barry, it must be a *glitch!

Dr Cho Chak John Chan wants to give me some money

From: Dr.John CHAN Cho Chak
To:
Sent: Wednesday, 2 January 2013, 11:29
Subject:

Dear Friend,

I am Dr.John CHAN Cho Chak, A member of Director of Operations of the Hang Seng Bank Ltd, Sai Wan Ho Branch, Hong Kong; I have an obscured business suggestion.

Should you be further interested, Contact me through this email for further confidential correspondence: dr.johnchanchochak7@yahoo.com.hk

Warm Regards
Dr. John CHAN Cho Chak.


From︰ Craig
To: Dr.John CHAN Cho Chak
Subject︰ Re:

Tell me more…


From: Dr.John CHAN Cho Chak
To: Craig A
Subject: re: re:

Dear Craig A,

I am Dr. John CHAN Cho Chak, A member of Director of Operations of the Hang Seng Bank Ltd. I have got your email from directory online. I am getting in touch with you regarding the estate of a late customer and an investment placed under our banks management about 8 years ago.

I would respectfully request that you keep the contents of this mail confidential and respect the integrity of the information you come by as a result of this mail. I contact you independently and no one is informed of this communication.

In 2004……. (blah blah)

*cue dream sequence about someone coming into money, dying and having to give it away…*

…Please get back to me immediately via email as phone communication with me on the above matter will not be safe and language barrier.

Warm Regards

Dr.John CHAN Cho Chak


From Craig A
To : Cho Chak Dr.John CHAN
Subject : Re: Re

This sounds interesting. Tell me more…


From: Dr.John CHAN Cho Chak
To: Craig A
Subject: re: re:

Dear Craig,

Thank you very much for your response, and your interest in this business suggestion, I am also glad to note that you are noble and trustworthy person whom I can rely on for your capabilities to handle this transaction.

READ THE FOLLOWING AND GET BACK TO ME:
Before I commence, I will need you to send me a copy of any form of your identification (Driver’s license, work ID or International passport) and your current address. I want to be sure that I am transacting with the correct person. As soon as I get these from you, I will commence the paper work.

I will want to know precisely the type of occupation that you do and how old you are, you should note that this project is highly capital intensive, this is why I have to be very careful, I need your total devotion and trust to see this through.

Ensure that you keep this project confidential; do not discuss it with anybody, because of the confidential nature of this transaction and my work.
Please reply soonest.
Regards,
Dr Cho Chak John Chan
Phone Number+852 8120 5372


From : Craig
To : Cho Chak Dr.John CHAN
Subject︰ Re: Please respond

How much more can you tell me?


From: Dr.John CHAN Cho Chak
To: Craig A
Subject: re: re:

Dear Craig Anderson,

Thanks for your response from my previous emails it was stated there what this business project is about and I believe that you understand what we are about to undertake as partners in this business project.

Please I would like to know the investment opportunities in your country, I will advise also that you send to me immediately all the required information from my previous email this will enable me start all the legal documentation in your name as the beneficiary of the funds.

Thanks for your understanding,

Regards
Dr.John CHAN Cho Chak



From Craig Anderson
To Cho Chak Dr.John CHAN

This isn’t some sort of scam, where some unwitting victim falls prey to an online con-merchant is it?

I’d feel better if you were to give me some of your personal details first. Could you forward me a copy of YOUR passport? It seems only fair if you’re asking for a copy of mine.

Thanks greatly.


From: Dr.John CHAN Cho Chak
To: Craig A
Subject: re: re:

Dear Craig Anderson,

Thank you for your mail, I will want you to know that I have gone through your mail I do understand that it is not easy for you to give out such details. I will want you to send down the following details
Full Name
Address
Age
Sex
Occupation
Scan Identification
Please be inform that this details will be used by my attorney to prepared all legal document that will be presented to my bank as this will enable you be presented as the next of kins to my late client.
I have attached a copy of my scan identification and will want you to send yours down as soon as possible.
Regards
Dr Cho Chak John Chan
Phone Number+852 8120 5372


From Craig Anderson
To Cho Chak Dr.John CHAN

Hi Dr. John.

Whoa! All this time I thought you were a scam artist, trying to get people to supply personal details to you so that you could steal their money, or even worse their identity! It turns out you actually exist! You have a photograph on an official identity card, which means you *are a genuine employee!

Please take this email as a humble apology. I’m sorry I doubted you.

Could you send me a cheque instead?


*Have used Photoshop quite a bit.

Does ANYONE work at Game?

I complained to Game. It was justified complaint, not a jokey one.

I won’t paste the entire complaint here, as it is the journey that the complaint took that I want to share with you all, not necessarily the complaint itself.

In quick summary, though…

  • I bought some games from Game
  • The Internet in the shop wasn’t working, so they couldn’t add my Reward Points
  • The manager suggested I contact Customer Support when I got home, to ask that they add my points
  • So I emailed Customer Care

From: Craig Anderson
To: Game Customer Support
Subject:Game Reqard Points

Hi there.

I spend close to £100 in my local Game today, but as their internet was off they couldn’t add my reward points.

The manager suggested I contact you directly to have them added on.

What do you need from me?

Craig.

I received the automatic email back, confirming my query had been received. It said…

From:customerservices@game.co.uk
To: Craig A
Subject:GAME: Thank you for getting in touch – G2338946CS

Dear Customer

Many thanks for getting in touch.

Here at GAME we pride ourselves on our customer service and hope to resolve your query within 48 hours. Unfortunately however, we are currently experiencing high volumes of contact and this has regrettably impacted on our average response times. Please bear with us as we are working hard to reduce response time, whilst maintaining the high level of customer support you expect from us.

Due to a high volume of contact it might be a bit longer than 2 days. This was fine. However, after 4 days and with no reply and with a distinct feeling of being ignored, I mentioned my unhappiness on Twitter.

Things were looking good! I got a reply from Game within moments! I sent a Direct Message explaining the situation.

Phew! Things were WELL on their way to being sorted! I waited patiently.

So, a few days later and with no email or contact via Twitter, I put…

But I got no public reply. So I sent another Direct Message…

But after another 5 days nothing happened.

After a total of 2 weeks waiting, and at the suggestion of a friend on Twitter, I decided to email the Managing Director of Game. His name is Ian Shepherd and I got his name from a publicly searchable list online. (I won’t bore you with the full complaint)

From: Craig Anderson
To: Ian Shepherd, CEO of Game
Subject:Unhappy with Game Customer Service

Good morning, Ian.

I am emailing you directly after experiencing awful customer service from Game. I feel as though I have been firstly ignored and secondly, for want of a better phrase, fobbed off. I apologise for taking the direct approach, but after emailing customer services and speaking to your GameDigital rep on Twitter and getting nowhere, this is one of the few options left.

On the 28th August I bought a few games and controllers from my local Game store……

I emailed customer support that night and received an email confirming receipt……

I know that Game have a twitter account, so on day 3, the 31st August, I sent a public message to @GAMEdigial……

I’m now on day 15. I’ve had no reply from anyone, despite the contact I have tried to make. It shouldn’t be up to me to chase my query, it should be being dealt with and chased at your end.

I’ve been ignored by the customer service team via email and, amazingly, ignored by the Game representative who actually asked me to send them a Direct Message! Is it usual to be ignored for so long?

What is the point of a Game representative asking people to send them a Direct Message on Twitter if they are unable to assist, or if they ignore awkward questions? Will your team ever reply to my query? You may suggest that I resubmit the query, but I have received confirmation of it’s receipt. I know you have it, because you’ve confirmed it. How many other queries are just being ignored?

I have stuck with Game for years. I was glad when Game purchased Gamestation, as at the time it meant you were reaffirming yourselves as the UKs leading gaming supplier. In fact a few years ago I purchased, and have still held onto, shares in Game Group. They aren’t worth anywhere near the money I paid for them back then, but I had every confidence they will return to value in the next few years.

But this lack of Customer Service does cast doubt in my mind. I don’t think that the level of service your company is supplying is satisfactory. It is now over 2 weeks since I raised this and I still have no reply from either of the sources I have tried.

I’ve given you the dates of my correspondence and the reference number I was given. I would like this matter to be addresses and, ideally, resolved promptly.

Craig.

Quite quickly, I received this back from Ian. It was an Out Of Office reply.

From: Ian Shepherd
To: Craig
Subject:Out of Office AutoReply: Unhappy with Game Customer Service

Thanks for your email. I’m no longer personally reading this inbox but your email will be dealt with promptly.

If you require any additional help, please contact Gillian.Birch@game.co.uk

Please consider the environment before printing this email.

GAME RETAIL LIMITED T/A Game and Gamestation. Registered company is 07837246.

Nice to know that the CEO admits he doesn’t read his emails. But, he did advise I email his colleague, Gillian, so…

From: Craig Anderson
To: Gillian Birch from Game
Subject:fwd:Unhappy with Game Customer Service

Hi Gillian,

I emailed Ian earlier and have received an out of office reply informing me that he doesn’t read his emails. I have forwarded my complaint to you, as Ian suggested I should do. I hope you are able to assist…

I then copy and pasted my original complaint.

Soon, I received this from Gillian. It is an Out Of Office reply.

From: Gillian Birch
To: Craig
Subject:Out of Office AutoReply: Complaint about Game Customer Support

Apologies, but I have now left the business so your email will not receive a reply.

If you require assistance, please contact Michelle Watson (michelle.watson@game.co.uk or 01256 784176).

Thank you,
Gill

Please consider the environment before printing this email.

GAME RETAIL LIMITED T/A Game and Gamestation. Registered company is 07837246.

I liked Gillians message slightly more than Ians. It was a bit more definate, saying I will not receive a reply, whereas Ians was a tad wishy-washy claiming it should still be dealt with. Ian should take a leaf out of Gillians book. By that, I don’t mean leave, I mean be more definite about things.

Anyway, as Gillian suggested, I decided to email Michelle.

From: Craig
To: Michelle Watson
Subject:Complaint about Game Customer Support

Hi Michelle

I’m hoping you can help me. I emailed a complaint to Ian Shepherd on Monday, but received an Out Of Office reply saying he no longer checks his emails. He advised I email Gillian Birch instead.

So I emailed Gillian, whose Out Of Office reply informs me no longer works for the company. Her Out Of Office email advised I email you.

Without wishing to sound pessimistic, and based purely on my experience so far, I expect your Out Of Office message will be gracing my inbox shortly. It would be great if your message advised me to forward any queries back to Ian again. I’d love the irony of that!

When the inevitable happens and I do receive my expected Out of Office reply from you, this is likely to leave me wondering if ANYONE actually works at Game. I already suspect that no-one does, due to having no reply from customer Services, sparse replies from your Twitter account and no contact at all from the important people who are meant to be running it.

One thought I’ve had is “Maybe it is being run by ghosts?” If so, maybe you don’t have the ability to physically touch the keyboard? Maybe the complaints are piling up while frustrated ghosts sit there, saying “I can’t get back in touch with you! I have no physical presence and, therefore, can’t type a reply to you!” while making spooky noises. If this is the case, am I best getting in touch by Ouiji board? I’ll set one up in readiness, and if you could just move the glass to “yes” at some point, I’ll know you’re there.

Another thought I’ve had is that your company is being run entirely by cats. Cats, as we all know, always think they’re right. There is just no arguing with a cat. They are, from a company perspective, the BEST employees to have running the customer care department because no-one who complains will EVER get the resolution that they want.

Or, worryingly, maybe Game is being run by Cat-Ghosts. If I find the glass on my ouiji board has been moved to something other than what I want it to be moved to, I’ll know this is the case.

Anyway, please find a copy of my original complaint below. I’d be grateful if someone could look in to it and get back to me promptly.

Thanks.

I received a reply from Michelle. Well, I say “reply”…

From: Michelle Watson
To: Craig
Subject:Out of Office AutoReply: Complaint about Game Customer Support

I am now out of the office returning on Monday 2nd July, Rachel Courtman is covering emails in my absense but if your enquiry to related to our Chairman, please contact, Martine. Regards, Michelle

Please consider the environment before printing this email.

GAME RETAIL LIMITED T/A Game and Gamestation. Registered company is 07837246.

In that it is now September, and Michelle was due back in July, I guess the whole “returning to work” thing didn’t go too well. Maybe she did return, saw that the building full of ghost cats and was too disturbed to enter the building to turn her Out Of Office replies off?

Time to email Rachel and Martine…

From: Craig
To: Rachel Courtman
Subject:Complaint about Game Customer Support

Hi Rachel

A few years ago I was thinking of starting a collection. People seem to collect the oddest of things. Some people collect lawnmowers, some collect weapons, some collect stamps. Up until recently I wasn’t sure what to collect. Over the last two weeks I’ve gathered up so many Game Out Of Office replies, I think it could technically be classed as a “Collection.”

One Out Of Office reply would just be a “single one”, two of them would be “a couple of them” but not a collection as such. I think that as soon as you get three or more of a thing, then it becomes the start of a “collection”

No doubt your inevitable reply will bump my collection up to 4.

Just HOW does your business survive with just ghosts and cats running it? I have no idea how you manage to get anything done! Well, actually, thats a lie. In that I’ve had no reply from Customer Care, from your MD, from their assistant and am expecting no reply from yourself, I KNOW for a fact that you get nothing done, simply because no-one is there.

In case you are there, I have a proposition for you. IF you reply to my email and IF my complaint is resolved, I will NOT publish this series of emails on my blog. I will also cover my site with adverts for Game, bringing you hundreds and hundreds of potential customers and thousands of pounds in potential sales.

However, if I DON’T get a reply, I’ll have some great content and everyone will laugh at you and call you the non-existent cat people. I’ll also suggest people no longer refer to you as “Game”, but as “Schrödinger’s”.

Yours, as ever, with a sense of hollow emptiness and expectancy of unfulfilledness,

Craig.

—No Reply–

My ouiji board remains unmoved.

Renewing Your Account?

From: Jenni France/CRM/CSUK
Date: Wed, 5 Sep 2012 11:52:53 +0100
To: ‘Steve Johnson’

Subject: *CreditCheck Renewal****

Good Morning Steve,

I hope you are well, I have tried to contact you recently regarding the renewal of your account with us.

Please can you reply to my email or call me on – 018** *** ***

Kindest Regards

Jenni France
CRM Personal Accounts Manager – CreditCheck Business Solutions Ltd

From: ‘Steve Johnson’
Sent: 05 September 2012 12:05
To: Jenni France/CRM/CSUK
Subject: Re: CreditCheck Renewal

Hi

We have signed up with another company, so there is no renewal I’m afraid

Steve

From: Jenni France/CRM/CSUK
Sent: 05 September 2012 12:12
To: ‘Steve Johnson’
Subject: RE: CreditCheck Renewal

Hi Steve,

Thanks for getting back , I understand you now have an account with another provider, however they may not be a main source provider so their information can be out of date and invalid. Its important as a company to be fully aware of what is happening within your customer base, as and when it happens.

Please see BIPA link below for proof of 5 main source providers.

We are the most used credit checking company in Europe. There must be a reason why .

Can I offer you a better package?

3D Ledger, European Reports, Marketing Prospects, Image Accounts, Debt Collection etc.. ?

Kindest Regards

Jenni France

From: ‘Steve Johnson’
Sent: 05 September 2012 13:22
To:* Jenni France/CRM/CSUK
Subject: RE: CreditCheck Renewal

Hi Jenni

We are using ******** have been bought by Experian. What do you mean they are not a main source provider?

Steve

From: Jenni France/CRM/CSUK
Sent: 05 September 2012 14:21
To: ‘Steve Johnson’
Subject: RE: CreditCheck Renewal

Hi,

Yes they have been bought out by Experian, however they do not sell Experian reports.

Experian have 3 different levels of reports. bronze. Silver and gold, Our standard reports are equivalent if not better than Experian gold reports.

We get a lot of customers who go to ******** because of this, but most come back a few months later after realising the difference in the level of information they provide compared to ours.

If ******** were a main source provider they would be listed on the Business Information Providers Association (the link I gave you in the previous email)

If I could offer you a lower cost to keep you as a customer to run alongside ******** so you can use both systems and choose yourself would you be interested.

Kindest Regards

Jenni France

From: ‘Steve Johnson’
Sent: 05 September 2012 14:35
To: Jenni France/CRM/CSUK
Subject: RE: CreditCheck Renewal

Hi Jenni

I will check out the below with ******** as it seems they may have mis-sold the product and treated me like a common fool, which I do not like.

However I would not want to have both products running at the same time, why would I want to pay to use two systems when I only need one system? If you had a holiday booked in America and I offered you a second one in Australia on the same dates but at a cut price, surely you would view my offer as foolish?

Steve

From: Jenni France/CRM/CSUK
Sent: 05 September 2012 14:51
To: ‘Steve Johnson’
Subject: RE: CreditCheck Renewal

Hi Steve,

I Completely appreciate your situation, And no I wouldn’t pick a different holiday at the same time.

I don’t want to put a competitor down as I think its un professional, I just want my customers to feel comfortable with the information they are receiving.

When we get customers who wish to leave we only have 7 days to bring that customer back on board. If we fail then it goes back to the sales floor where prices go back to retail cost and you lose your loyalty discount.

You obviously take your credit checking seriously, therefore you need to have a system in place that you can trust, if it helps some of our biggest customers include ASDA, HARRODS, BMW, BRITISH AIRWAYS, MANCHESTER UNITED, SAGE GROUP etc…

Kindest Regards

Jenni France

From: ‘Steve Johnson’
Sent: 05 September 2012 15:03
To: Jenni France/CRM/CSUK
Subject: RE: CreditCheck Renewal

Hi Jenni,

Manchester United have just told Dimitar Berbatov, one of my favourite and most heartfelt footballers, that he is too clever to play for them. They want fast, stupid players, according to what he was told by them. The club have ruined his career because they make so much money they think they can do what they want.

They are far too rich and arrogant. Even the fans sing a song which says “we’ll do what we want”.

If CreditCheck want to continue helping them make so much money then in my opinion you are as bad as them. It brings a churn to my stomach now, when I see the CreditCheck logo. You should be giving them false credit reports so that they lose money, so they cant hurt people as much.

Steve

From: Jenni France/CRM/CSUK
Sent: 05 September 2012 15:23
To: ‘Steve Johnson’
Subject: RE: CreditCheck Renewal

Hi Steve,

Manchester United could also use the same bank as you, I don’t think a football team should determine the quality and level of information you receive that could affect your business.

Kindest Regards

Jenni France

From: ‘Steve Johnson’
Sent: 05 September 2012 15:36
To: Jenni France/CRM/CSUK
Subject: RE: CreditCheck Renewal

Hi Jenni

It is important to us as a business to be ethical and socially responsible. We are in the process of implementing a corporate social responsibility policy, which includes ensuring that we have ethical suppliers.

Surely you cannot be saying to me that Dimitar Berbatov deserved such treatment? He is a hard working man, a family man, a lovely person.

Steve

From: Jenni France/CRM/CSUK
Sent: 05 September 2012 16:07
To: ‘Steve Johnson’
Subject: RE: CreditCheck Renewal

Hi Steve,

You must be joking, I have never heard of this Dimitar Berbatov. a decision based on him alone should not affect the way you do business

Kindest Regards

Jenni France

From: ‘Steve Johnson’
Sent: 05 September 2012 16:20
To: Jenni France/CRM/CSUK
Subject: RE: CreditCheck Renewal

Hi Jenni,

It is important to us to have ethical suppliers. I am certainly not joking.

Dimitar Berbatov is a sponsor of children’s charities in his native Bulgaria, supporting five care homes. He is also the founder of the Dimitar Berbatov Foundation, which helps young people to develop their talents. Berbatov’s longtime girlfriend, Elena, gave birth to their first child, a girl named Dea in 2009. This poor child now has to leave Manchester and live in Fulham due to Manchester United’s treatment. His poor wife loved Manchester.

Don’t you feel that Dimitar is a nice man, and should not be treated in the manner he has been treated?

Look at how he helps children, and the smile on his face as he does it:

From: Jenni France/CRM/CSUK
Sent: 05 September 2012 16:35
To: ‘Steve Johnson’
Subject: RE: CreditCheck Renewal

Hi Steve,

I am sure he is a lovely man and I don’t doubt that for a second, I also work on behalf of a charity called Cots For Tots (listed below) for which am risking my life on Friday for a charity sky dive 13,000 foot high, I am working together with my colleagues to help raise a total of £20,000 to buy an incubator for little babies and their families in Bristol hospital. Would you say this is not ethical?

why i should lose your business because some football team has made a decision which has absolutely nothing to do with me is beyond.

does this mean that you will no longer go to ASDA because they are a customer of ours which makes them linked to that football team.

Or in that case, buy BMW, shop in Harrods, fly with British Airways or drive a Nissan?

Kindest Regards

Jenni France

From: ‘Steve Johnson’
Sent: 05 September 2012 17:04
To: Jenni France/CRM/CSUK
Subject: RE: CreditCheck Renewal

Hi Jenni,

I think the difference with ASDA etc is that whilst they are customers of CreditCheck, they are not actively involved in helping the horrible institution that is Manchester United. CreditCheck are actively involved in this because you help them make money.

It is lovely that you are doing such ethical things. Especially as they involve children, because that shows that you will have sympathy for David Beckham, who, when employed by Manchester United, had to have a day off training to look after his young, needy son.

Do you know what the manager of Manchester United did to him? I suspect not so I shall tell you. He pulled his foot back and kicked a football boot into David’s face.

This is what happened:

Ouch!

We are unable to deal with companies that help this institution make money I’m afraid. Surely you must agree that it is a horrible way to treat an employee? If you had to have a day off to look after a needy child and your manager kicked a boot in your face, Im sure you would agree. It is despicable behaviour.

Steve

From: Jenni France/CRM/CSUK
Sent: 06 September 2012 08:27
To: ‘Steve Johnson’
Subject: RE: CreditCheck Renewal

Hi Steve,

Thanks for your email I finished at 5pm last night so I’ve only just read it. It looks like you wont be coming back to CreditCheck because of this.

Thanks for your custom and you know where I am if you need anything.

Kindest Regards

Jenni France

Andrex Toilet Rolls

Remember years ago when toilet rolls were just loose rolls of paper? You opened the pack and the loose end would be hanging off, trailing behind as you carried it across to the toilet roll holder?

If you’re old, like me, then you too probably remember the days before they stuck the end down with glue.

I recently noticed something on the multipack of Andrex toilet rolls that annoyed me.


From: Craig A
To: Kimberley-Clark (the Andrex bit)
Subject: Easy Start Toilet Rolls

Hi Andrex People.

I recently purchased a multipack of your lovely toilet rolls and noticed that the packaging now features the words, “Easy Start Roll Technology.”

Now, I remember years ago when toilet rolls were just loose rolls of toilet paper wrapped around a tube. You got them out of the multipack and, if you happen to drop one, when it rolled away it unspooled itself. Thanks to your comparatively recent addition of glue to the end, the unspooling mishaps became a thing of the past.

Back then, the first time I removed a new roll and noticed that rolls now came with glue, and that unspooled rolls were now something people no longer needed to worry about, I was amazed. I examined a roll with childlike fascination. I slowly lifted my loo roll aloft and stood there, in a triumphant stance, in my bathroom, thinking, “THIS is… the future!” As well as thinking it, I may have accidentally said it out loud too, I don’t remember. Then I lowered it and slipped it onto the loo roll holder.

When you first added glue to your toilet rolls, it did stop them unravelling very successfully, however you had to pluck sections until you managed to get it to unravel correctly.

But that must have been over a decade ago.

Cut back to today, and I’m currently looking at a multi-pack with the words “Easy Start Roll Technology” on it. And I’m annoyed about it because nowadays, using a new roll from your new pack, it seems far easier to get the roll going.

The reason I am angry it this; “Easy Start Roll Technology” seems to actually translate as “We’ve put a bit less glue on than before”

Does applying less glue REALLY class as a “feature”? Is that really your new selling point, applying a bit less glue?

In effect are you admitting that you may have used a bit of overkill when you originally opted for full-on glue? Was the glue you applied back then just that little too powerful, and you’re only admitting you were wrong well over a decade later? You are responsible, after all, for millions of people plucking at and destroying their first few sheets of every single roll of toilet paper that they tried to open for the last decade…

In case you are, I’ve prepared a paragraph of text that you might want to include on all future packaging. Just put an asterisk by the side of the Easy Start text, and another smaller asterisk on the back of the pack with this text by the side of it:

“Sorry about the last 10 years. The glue we chose back then, and used for the 10 subsequent years, was far too efficient. We hope this less tacky glue provides a suitable compromise. Please note this is not a “feature” as such, more an admission of wrongdoing on our part. Happy wiping!”

If you could give me a bell or email me when this is implemented, that would be great.

Thanks,

Craig A.