Honey Monster Missing?

I saw this box in Asda…

I got worried…

From: Craig Anderson
Subject: Missing Monster?
To: honeymonster.co.uk
Date: Saturday, 23 July, 2011

Hi Honey Monster Crew,

I recently read, with much distress, that Honey Monster has gone missing. I wanted to email my support and to offer my help. He has been a familiar face on TV screens for well over 30 years and the news that he has gone missing has come as a total shock.

In an attempt to locate him have you contacted missing people helpline? They should be your first port of call as I imagine they would be great for this. They’ll probably need a description of the missing person which, to be honest, shouldn’t be too hard. I’ve made a start for you.

Height : 6ft
Weight : 30 stone
Ethnicity : European
Skin colour : furry yellow
Distinguishing features : has no neck

The Missing Persons helpline are great at locating errant relatives.

Next, have you contacted his friends to see if they could help? When I went missing one tea time in the early 80s, my parents phoned my friend David’s house. I was there. I’d got caught up playing games on the ZX Spectrum and had completely lost track of time. I think at the time I had collected the third part of the amulet on Spectrum game Sabre Wulf, so my priorities had changed from “being home for tea time” to “ignoring hunger and completing my game.” I did get into a bit of trouble for that, but my parents were more concerned with my safety than my gaming prowess.

I know that, sadly, Henry McGee is no longer on this earthly plane. As they were such good friends, sharing a house together between 1976 and 1985, it might be an idea to get in touch with Henry via a medium? Obviously you’d need to ensure it was the genuine Henry McGee you were in contact with, so some sort of control question that only he would know the answer to may be in order, just to verify that it is the REAL Henry McGee and not some fraudulent spirit. Then you could just ask him if he knows the current location of Honey Monster. Spelling it out on a Ouija board should be nice and safe. I’d also replace the standard glass and use an upturned cereal bowl. I believe Derek Accorah is a bit short of work, so it may be an idea to give him a bell.

Also, newspapers are a far reaching form of media too. I was once in Florida, in the United States of USA, and I was able to buy a copy of UK newspaper, The Telegraph! Admittedly it was three days late as they had to literally fly copies across the ocean, so I was a little angry when I found that the deadline for postal entries to the crossword competition was too imminent to allow me to reply. My point is that an advert in an English newspaper may be seen in many other countries over many days. It may be worth doing.

While I’m on the subject of overseas, Americans have a great system for getting the word out when it comes to missing relatives. They put photos of them on milk cartons. I see you’re already doing a similar thing to this and including his silhouette on cereal boxes. This is a great idea, but surely a photo would help with the identification?

Offering a reward of a laptop for information is a very good idea. Most people are very materialistic, and so enticing information out of them them with the offer of high-tech gadgets is sure to help.

Finally, the internet is probably the biggest carrier of information nowadays. Your website doesn’t mention that he has even been reported as missing, which is disappointing. If I was the Honey Monster, I’m sure that one of the places I’d eventually check would be HoneyMonster.co.uk to see if I was even being missed. Why not put a quick mention on there too in case he pops by. It’d may give him a morale boost, make him feel missed and he may get back in touch with you.

Remember, If people aren’t aware he’s gone missing, people won’t be on the lookout for him. The more mentions you give this, the greater the chance he will be spotted.

Please keep me posted of any sightings, and I’ll do my best to keep an eye out for him too. I know it can be hard when a relative goes missing, but stay strong and I’m sure he’ll be back with you soon.

If there is any way I can help, just let me know.

Craig A.

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